It’s been quite a week. Inspiration coming from left right and centre, much of it from sporting individuals and teams. We saw the Ironman UK completed in Bolton and the weekend after it was Wimbledon and Euro football finals. Lots of things to give us hope, joy and pride. Post lockdown these events have been great reasons to get together, socialize safely, give us talking points, improve morale and create belonging. All the participants have been amazing. I am sure those that took part, worked at or attended live events will remember them for the rest of their lives.
They have all been displays of resilience, persistence, training, team work, vision, focus and tenacity. We have role models we can be proud of. Full stop.
The aftermath of the football linked to a few bigots, arseholes and wankers isn’t something we should be giving air space too. Bullies globally are to be called out and then ignored. My most favourite quote in the world is the best, “don’t be a dick” and I think if people applied this as their daily mantra it would make the world a better place. It feels good when you say it loudly too.
It’s not that long since we were being inundated with memes about being kind, self care, it’s ok not to be ok etc etc in the wake of Caroline Flacks tragic death. Where is that kindness now? Where is the support for the young men who represented England last weekend and were superb? Do we wait until one of them has cracked from the pressure and takes their own life before we shut the fuck up? How can those lads be ok? They do a high profile job and are under a microscope of global community whilst they do it and this time didn’t get the result they wanted but they were fantastic in defeat, real champions.
What are we saying to children about the taking part being important when those that don’t win are publicly abused, subject to hate crime or even just judged by the rest of us who can’t play football worth a dam? Those men are heroes.
I make mistakes at work, we all do, sometimes we don’t make mistakes but the results we want just don’t occur. What would it feel like to be the trend on twitter because I didn’t get a funding bid? I’d be gutted. I was knocked back for a funding bid in May that we desperately need to keep vital services going. It was a good bid but the funders declined. I was gutted, not for me but for the team and the young people. I will not give up and since then I have submitted another three bids and will not give up. If that made the front pages Christ knows what would happen?
There is something innately wrong with a system/society that doesn’t jump right down on racism, homophobia, domestic violence and any other level of bigotry or abuse of power.
If you lived next door to a peadophile you would not be shocked to see that person hated in the community and for justice to be served (whether that’s right or not isn’t my call) but why do we ignore other types of abusers? Why are we friends with them, employ them, socializing with them, related to them but turning a blind eye to what they are doing? Don’t be a dick. If you follow this simple tip, kindness and other positivity will become natural and not something someone has to remind you to consider. If you need telling to be kind, you seriously need to give your head wobble.
I know people have rights, all people. But that doesn't mean we ignore despicable behaviours. Many years ago I had an on the record conversation with a member of staff who had told a colleague that they were stalking their ex partner, following them, sitting outside the house, going to the new partners place of work etc. It isn't really an HR issue but I talked to them about the law, consent, victim impact, consequences, bringing the organisation we both worked for into disrepute, the fact they had told a colleague and now everyone knew so they were a focus of gossip and finally that this was simply unacceptable abhorrent behaviour and we would confirm what we knew should they be charged with any offences as a result. "You are not the role model we seek in this organisation, get some help" I told them. This was not an easy conversation. But I tell you what would have been an even harder one, talking to the Police if that victim was hurt, injured or killed if things escalated.
Being kind can include highlighting risks and consequences to people who are blinded by their own circumstances. I don’t just mean being kind to some, or when it’s visible or on social media or when it's easy – I mean all the time.
If you are that dick, the racist, the one who is picking on or exploiting others due to them being different to you, or in your control - stop it. Get help if necessary. Everyone thinks you are behaving like a knob even if they don’t say it. Change. Make people lives better, not worse, including your own.
I rarely see dicks in action but recently I saw a man in a shop with his partner who loved the sound of his own voice – she even apologized to the staff and me the only other customer for his behavior but as a sort of joke. He thought he was funny making remarks about anal sex embarrassing his partner but then he made a racist remark about covid and certain ethnic groups and appeared to be trying to include me and the shop owner. I told him to shut up, “don’t include me in your bullshit, you are being a dick” I said. The partner ushered him out of the shop and the shop owner said thanks.
I am so grateful that in my life and work I am surrounded by kindness. Friends, colleagues, family, supporters and cheerleaders who have my back and those that support the charity I work to serve. I like to think people around me feel it’s reciprocal.
Kindness is not necessarily grand gestures it's more about attitude. It is something that once started will ripple out and keep going, so let it start with you, today. Now.
Occasionally I can be a dick, nothing hideous though, but I said I was kind, not perfect.